flying monkeys
right right so i posted more tonight than i have in a month...
people dream they can fly. people want to fly. sounds great doesnt it. huge wings sprout out your back and off you go.
right right....
bunch of us looking like malformed chickens going around in circles up there....
see, i dont think we should be allowed to develop into flying creatures.. we have enough trouble walking, flying would mess too many of us up....
picture the drunks.. who can barely walk trying to negotiate a third direction. just sort of wafting there... like a leaf. or worse yet like chickens... lots of flapping but they dont get around to actually flying.
or they get all loaded up on testosterone and they try besting each other by going higher than the last one... and they end up way high in the stratosphere where eventually the limited air being funneled into their little meatpacked brains causes them to pass out and come crashing down in a brilliant display of feathery mayhem. smash right into a field somewhere leaving a decently shaped crater for the tourists to look at and a little plaque reading "here lies bob. flew too high the drunken slob." all over the countryside, hundreds of little craters and plaques. or maybe they fly out to sea.. just off they go because it was a good idea after having brandy. so they go off. and then they fall asleep, as drunks do at random moments, like when they go driving there new sports car at speeds man was never meant to go then they nod off and your neighbors cat goes pfhhh in a small furry explosion. but they fall asleep and drown and wash up on shore many a week later, that would be a nasty surprise wouldnt it? and not to mention the new places they could suddenly decide to relieve themselves...
but what about all the sober individuals? surely they cant cause such grievous things right. WRONG.
consider learning to fly. we barely manage to learn to walk at around a year (i think, i dont have kids i dont know how they work or anything like that, i do know how to make one though... i have a pamphlet.) consider babies learning to fly. just babies everywhere slamming into windows. and grownups would be much better off... get caught in a draft and suddenly your smashing into the side of the office building. just slam and suddently your in joe's office. would be funny to see though, a man in an office suit just slamming into the side of your window. hundreds of them all over the city... slam slam slam all around.
people would eventually find the wings sexy.. and magazines would sprout up showing the best plumage, yes plumage, available by very liberal young girls and boys/men (i dont know if women really do watch porn the same way guys do). but would they be focused on wingspan or feathers? i mean on how full the feathers seem? i guess women would gather round and talk about the impressive wingspan of the guys they have "flown the coop (?)," "done the chicken dance" with. and guys might be more interested in, screw it i guess the breast still... Women might color their wings and feathers, maybe get some surgery on them so they look fuller.. and teenagers would get them pierced of course. just a huge loop on the left wing, kinda heavy so the poor kid always fly's a bit to the left. other kids poke fun at him for it, but thats okay because hes part of the new goth look, where he tries to look like a crow. but this is all speculation...
maybe we never even develope far enough to fly... maybe we end up like the ostrich or penguin.. we have wings but they are completely useless.
we just wobble around unable to do anything but flap them in wishful thinking. and youd think childbirth would be a severe pain. then again maybe theyd be hatching eggs by then... no orphanages, just a whole bunch of hatcheries across the nation.and skydiving would be futile.. whats the risk if you can just fly anyway, not like your gonna hit the ground... and if we come from eggs... would we still eat chicken eggs/embryos?
ah the dilemmas of a bored individual. and yes this came about because of a large victorias secret angels poster i saw in their window, hard to miss seeing how its 100feet tall, and its next to the toy store anyway.
if anyone can get me a VS poster, the ones they have in the store, thatd be cool.