i said moo dammit.

a quick thought that randomly popped into my head one night as i drove home after a rather pitiful friday night outing.
animals go to heaven right? (im assuming you nodded your head instead of actually talking to your monitor and saying "yes".... if you said no, your soul is a little darker than it should be, but what would i know, not like im a regular or even irregular church going fellow)
anyway, lets assume animals go to heaven, because dogs go to heaven i saw it in a movie. and therefore cats should go as well dont know about black ones, but thats a technical issue the angels with pigeon wings can figure out on their own. well if cats and dogs go, then all pets go, cause its fair that even your pet turtle should go to heaven. so if pets go, then bunnies go. and if bunnies go then so do chickens, hogs, horses, cows, etc... in short every animal ends up in heaven. cause i have yet to encounter an evil animal. i mean truly evil. bad animals, yes i know of some bad dogs, mad animals too. but an evil animal? if you can find me one instance of a turtle being just plain evil, please let me know.
anyway. we die and go to heaven. and we arrive at heaven at the doorman checks our name on his massive list (think heaven has gone digital? maybe its one of those personal organizers "palm" things now..) and then we get the shock of our lives when jesus and moses both show up and speak in an odd middle eastern accent. because jesus was/is (whats the proper usage here "was" or "is"?) middle eastern and not from the better part of bloody london! so be ready for when you hear jesus recite everything in a slightly Apu sounding fashion (kinda knocks the awe out of hearing charlton heston read the commandments when you know he should sound like a ny cabbie...). anyway....
so we go through the pearly gates and we get our white robes and healthy supply of bleach (gotta keep 'em white). and we see our pets... all those dogs and cats and others that died through various methods... and were all so happy and you jump and frolic (i dont frolic anymore) and play with them for a bit. and then...
and this was my point.
the cows come home. and the lead cow, the one with the bell (if i ever become a cow im going to make sure i get the damn bell because nobody kills the cow with the bell) comes over and demands its reparations. reparations?? oh indeed. for all the crap you did to it when it was down on earth. that could would be quite mad. a very mad cow. because the damn things dont have it too nice down here in the first place. i would be very pissed (and im guessing you would be too, especially the fine females) if every morning somebody came up and starting pulling on my teats! i mean damn! wouldnt you be looking for reparations if i just strolled into your home one morning and started handling your breasts? (if you dont, feel free to drop me an email someday and we'll see just how un-pissed you would be) and aside from that. lets then pretend you were getting coffee one afternoon and i walked up and slammed your best friend in the face with a massive hammer. would you be a little ticked then? thats what happens to the poor cows. so yeah, they might be looking for a little reparation from us. (on top of this you have some rather high pitched bulls who want to know what you wanted with their huevos and if they could please have them back) and if you manage to calm the angry cows, and thats a big IF. then you have to deal with the chickens!
yes the chickens. you stole their babies every morning. every bloody morning you would sneak in and steal the eggs. some chickens might be happy about that cause they were sluts anyway and they had no way to feed 50 little chickens, so you did them a favor in that case... but the regular house-wife type chickens, oh they would be looking to give you a beating. and the hogs would come in after that.
maybe thats a reason to become a vegetarian...
i like meat.
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unrelated but.... listen to the streets. the music not the actual physical streets, you might get runover, listen to the group that makes the music called the streets. i should mention, they are british. in case you hate and despise the way things sound when pronounced properly. um... thank you.