19.3.04

passionate christ


im back from spring break. but ill talk about that some other day.
for now. lets see the passion of the christ (specifying exactly which christ by placing that the there).
oh its a great movie. good music. good use of images and color and so forth (except when the jewish temple falls apart which is apparently when they ran out of a budget because it looked horribly fake and snapped me out of the movie for a bit, you can tell that its a set piece when the floor rips apart... oh well so much for a perfect christ picture). but is it a movie that will convert christians? no.
i have some christian friends (well, one specific one) who disliked the movie because it had become to commercial he said. apparently basing a movie around the final day (or couple since they werent specific about how many days it took) was the wrong thing to do. because that isnt what you think of when you think of christ (apparently showing more of his teachings, the miracles and so forth with a sanitized crucification would have been more his cup of tea). i disagree.
another friend claimed the movie was too gory (example being towards the end when the raven starts pecking at the eyes of the "evil" thief). no it wasnt.
heres my view. the movie does what it does and does it well. its not meant to convert a person to christianity. there is no reference to any christian doctrine (ok, maybe one or two items, the love your enemy, and little things like that, but this wont become a christian reference film anytime soon). instead what it aims to do (in my own opinion) is remove the sterilized version of the crucifiction that we all have. the bible basically makes the crucification a quick thing "he was nailed to the cross and crucified on golgotha." woop-de-la. not much there to really bring forth the agony (agonizing pain is a term brought about to describe the suffering one endurs when crucified because there wasnt a word to accurately capture the intensity of it before that... learn something new every day.) yet the movie takes 2 odd hours to show you what it is that he went through, and in doing so should reinforce a persons faith (if christian) by realizing the inmense effort, will, and (corny as it sounds now) passion that was required to undergo such an event that could be avoided (in being the son of the highest deity, you figure if he wanted to and wasnt as committed to his mission as he was he could have smote everybody there and never have allowed anyone to even touch him, much less crucify). for a non christian, this is 2 hours of watching someone be tortured. and the personification of satan in this movie is as close to what i think satan is as im going to see for a while (remember, lucifer was an angel, of music, morningstar, beautiful as anything ever made, pretty much desire personified, not the redheaded guy with a pitchfork). so does the movie make the crucifiction seem like the massive ordeal that i thought it was? yes. it does that very well. it does seem like much more of a sacrifice now than before.
because it is easy to sit here 2000 years after the fact and 2000 years after the entire practice of crucifiction was done away with and shrug it off as something simple. as a barbaric act of an uncivilized people, but not really think about it. just like suffering from the plague or leprosy is something that we read about in history books but never fully realize just how horrible it was. so this movie is one that christians who wish to understand just a bit more what it was that christ did in his final days should go see? definately. just realize that the reactions from christians and secular people will be radically different, even from christian to christian the opinions may be different. but, we do learn something from it, and in talking of it... isnt that an accomplishment in itself?

by the way, i should mention that those other two people who didnt like this movie are the same type of people who love (and i mean ADORE) the harry potter movies, books,etc and arent thrilled at the idea of going to watch a scary movie (for example my suggestion that we watch cabin fever a few months back was instantly greeted with a no.) so perhaps they arent the most cultured movie goers to ask an opinion from. ces la vie. oh, and i doctored that picture near the title to get it to look like that... no real reason. just bored.

13.3.04

superficiality.

oh god. i hate it when a simple conversation with someone that really doesnt have anything to do with anything becomes so much more. its a stupid conversation. it doesnt matter at all. just a stupid superficial conversation with someone. and then they say one stupid thing that makes you come to a realization and have to admit things about yourself that you werent prepared to admit. and it doesnt take long to realize it, soon as the words leave your mouth you realize that its going to keep you awake all night.
its a horrible thing. one small comment keeps you awake all night. you run it through your head all night. and you search and analyze yourself to see why. or you try to rationalize your comment or behavior, some form of logic to make all it ok.
so what wonderful comment did i make? im superficial with everyone but 3 people in my life...
and why? i dont know. (and those 3 people dont include my family) but ive been trying to go over it in my head for some hours night. just shoot me.
i guess i have this whole obsession with being able to have a long conversation with someone about something important, but that means i have to be able to trust, confide, something like that, something about letting another under my skin. its scares me to no end. and im an introvert, cynical and sarcastical, so it takes me a bit to come to understand someone and be willing to share. but why?
the phrase that comes to mind is "superficiality means your never close enough to hurt or be hurt." which means, that in being shallow, nobody gets to really know me, and i dont really know anybody else, which leaves me very much alone... ugh, its driving me insane inside, because theres something greater at stake here, theres something more that i have yet to get to, its right there, its just out of view... but when it hits its going to change me alittle once again...
god i just cant be myself with her. shes to moody and emotional. and were just different and i dont think i can let myself be me with her. why did she have to ask me if i was superficial with her (and give me that coy little look afterwards and have her voice change like she really cared and was emotionally at some level a little pained by this revelation...) i saw her reaction and i meant to reverse it all and say something plain stupid instead of that... i just want to be able to be calm and relaxed and myself without all the effort around some people.
and how long before the fake person we present to others because the actual person we are?
we do as we do because we of who we are. if we did any different, we wouldnt be ourselves.

10.3.04

.

think my hair might be a tad long. i cant see out my left eye half the time now because of it. but ive kept myself from developing a mullet through the use of shavers. but should i let this continue to grow for another couple of months? it will depend on how lazy i am and how much not seeing my left eye annoys me.

7.3.04

(Sandman, Quotable)

have you ever been in love?
horrible, isnt it?
it makes you so vulnerable. it opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. you build up all these defenses. you build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...you give them a piece of you. they dont ask for it. they do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and your life isnt your own anymore. love takes hostages. it gets inside you. it eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.
it hurts. not just the imagination. not just in the mind. its a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. nothing should be able to do that. especially not love.
i hate love.
-rose walker. sandman