pandora.

this is what ive come to realize after much internal thought and some outside consulting...

knowing a woman's history is akin to eating of the tree of good and evil.

forgive the biblical reference there but its the only reference that made any sense that im aware of. truly though having knowledge of what a person has done inevitably makes it so that you are aware of their capabilities. And knowing that is capable, the tricky thought, the one that keeps you up on certain nights, is, "whats to keep them from doing again?"
Oh sure, people change, and smokers quit. Its the exception rather than the norm.
heres an example:
you know the girl is easy. sleeps around. fun times had by all... what makes you think she wont still be like that even if you are an item (dating, boyfriend/girlfriend, whatever)?
or
girl has cheated on past boyfriends. why are you to be the exception to the rule?

while its true that predicting future actions is downright impossible, past tendencies do point us in the direction of the most probable of events.

so i have some questions that i cant answer on my own.
what is a girl with "history" to do?
are boyfriends of easy/cheating girls prone to paranoia?
or are we all living in ignorance of our partners past?

idea.

an unfinished idea im having while sitting here at work looking through other blogs.
print out 4x6 pictures, from flickr or some other picture repository, or just your hard drive, put them in context to the location where you will abandon them.
Abandon, yes. A 4x6 picture of coffee beans left on starbucks/cafe tables with some something printed or sketched out on the back. Could be subversive, could be pointless, could be taken out of context. Combine the flickr picture with something from that Heard in New York or Heard on the Subway blog. A joke about the pope with a picture of a flower. An old stove and some rant about womens rights. A pornographic pose with a confession of letchery or of being a whore/slut/easy. A 4x6 of a cow at McDonalds with the text "crees que eso es carne?"
4x6 prints that look like party invites with writing on the back "cuando te emborrachas me aprovecho" or "cuando te ausentas es mia" or "sabes lo que dicen de ella?" or just a simple "perdon." left throughout a nightclub.
Or notes that seem intended for someone else when you read them... "no puedo dejar de verte.", "lo siento, es mejor asi.", "pasa por mi casa cuando leas esto, B.", "soy mejor que tu.", "me gustan los hombres.", "ya no te amo.", "no te rindas.", etc. etc.
and nonsense for good measure, "la mosca vuela sin destino.", "el jarabe sabe morado.", "elixer de vida cuesta la muerta.", "ese color no te va.", "quiero ser original como tu.", "algun dia volare junto con los pinguinos", "ya no quiero gasolina.", "esto fue un arbol unavez.", etc. etc.
No idea why, because there isnt any follow up to leaving the notes around town. do it for free and when people talk of it, get it sponsored by a liquor. Add the iconic logo and text for the website. i guess. i just think it would be cool to find interesting little notes spread throughout the city, just something a little quirky to amuse and give you something to talk about.


ill see if i can come up with samples later on, for now, a sketch of an idea.

short lines.

Short jokes. not necessarily good, but short, followed by a few lines regarding a computer.


"i thought my girlfriend had an eating disorder so i took her to a center. turns out it was just a stomach flu. i should go get her soon."
-

"you know you have it good when both you and your girlfriend stop talking to each other to stare at the new victorias secret commercial."
-

"my spam used to be for banks in nigeria, possible million dollar winner, and chain emails. Now my computer is telling me to be bigger, increase quantity (but not quality) of sperm, and have sex with strangers in my neighborhood...

Punchlines to this...

"My computer is going through adolescence"
"Lesson, never get naked in front of your computer."
"My computer is perverted."
"It speaks to me."
"My computer is trying to pimp me out."
-

Pick up lines by computer.

"Hey baby, I got 2 gigs of RAM for you."
-
"Oh dear... im afraid im all out of RAM."
-
"My girlfriend is a printer. When shes not in the mood she says she has a paper jam."
-
"I put my cord in her socket."
-
"I can make your ink run."
-
"I have large fonts."
-
"error.error.error. you caused me to get stuck in a loop with your configuration."
-
"I like your case."
-
"Im so hot even Apples dig me."
-
"Wow. You know shes not factory direct, just look at those upgrades."
-
"You and me baby, were like 0 and 1."
-
"0111011011 baby, you and me, all night long, just 0110111101."
-
"my ink cartridge runeth over."
-
"I had her printing all night."
-
"I dont usually go for color printers..."
-
"I have some spam you might be interested in."
-
"Care to finger through my inbox?"
-
"I have porn."
-
"Touch my keys. Softly."
-
"All my inputs are around back."
-
"Our software is compatible."
-
"Lets make an ipod tonight."
-
"They just call me imac mini... but im all harddrive."
-
"Male and female ends... lets connect."
-
"Dont worry, i have an antivirus."
-

theres more. but i think ive stated all the ones that i should. the rest just make me seem far too much of a geek.

office.beta.2.

recently, as a minor perk to working ive been given an office beta 2 cd...
not that its too much of an exclusive thing, since you can download them off the net (albeit the installation is a little over 1gig, so downloading is kind of for the diehard hardcore miscrosoft devotees)

voila.

no big changes here if you use 2003... if you use mac it probably looks alittle sillier and friendlier than this... (ive just realized how infantile windows xp looks... very toddler friendly, big colorful plasticine buttons.)
eventually it loads up, doesnt take too much longer than my current office, which wasnt 03 mind you... i was ancient office.
first change...
the little office circle which is the same as your windows vista circle is where file used to be (all those timesaving ctrl-s, alt-f shortcuts are nonexistant and cause windows to span little gremlins that crawl in your ear and whisper mac is for baby girls, now... quite a thing to see)... just thought id point that out, since everything changed with this new jetblack shiny office... oh and colibri is the new default font. it kicks times new roman's ass like those armies at Marathon (google this reference for shits and giggles)

other changes, the menu system... no more little icons and long long menus... now its a big icons, that update your document in realtime (which is pretty nifty, easy to picture if youve ever used corel) and everything grouped together in relation to what your doing...
and it all lights up in orange... and black is the better looking of the 2 schemes, the other being an airy baby blue number that i just could get behind... but onyx is techno savvy isnt it?

and what everyone is going to love, the only thing that makes people go whee and wow is this, smart art. instead of autoshapes you get smart art. im not complaining, it does look nice and you get hundreds of options, more if you count color changes and style alterations (emboss, extrude? for pansies, we got that and 3d rotations!)
i really do question the usability of 3d rotations, cause it shifts everything into perspectives and angles and everything looks so very cool and 22nd century, but it is a little difficult to read half the time (highschool kids will pepper reports with this thing though.)
and the sad thing is that while i think it looks great now, once everyone can do it, it wont be so cool anymore... itll be common, and common is a step away from boring.

criminal.

it occurs to me that, being that the US is a permanent member of the UN and can veto any action and basically runs the UN, that the US, or anybody belonging/vinculated/associated/running/elected/serving with it, can ever be formally accused of war crimes...


except by cuba.



but nobody listens to cuba much these days.

things get pretty.

so as part of work i had to go to my local microsoft for a quick intro to their new roducts rolling out in the fall.
Namely, office2007 (with 6 versions) and http://www.microsoft.com/spain/windowsvista/ (which depending on who you ask, anywhere from 4 to 9 versions) and a whole slew of other ones that are server based and which most people will never see unless they run IT.
Thing is they got pretty. At some point microsoft took a cue from apple and started making itself appear friendlier to the end consumer... now it looks like something that squeeling to be your bestest friend.
Rounded edges, light wavy lines and that popular two toned gradient.. except that windows dressed it up in black... to contrast with the ever popular apple white im guessing.
as for office itself as a program? its freakin cute. get ready for a slew of office documents with light colors and gradients and fades... word excel and powerpoint are now intolerably cute. the problem i have with this... is that dammit, it was a cool friendly look but only because not everybody had it... now i can tell bob that hes fired cause we dont have any money, but all the time the chart will have a sunny disposition. its definately not greedy wallstreet anymore. http://imdb.com/title/tt0094291/ would not be as intimidating if he gave me a memo with images that make me believe an ipod unceremoniously dry humped my word document.

changing paces.

so i work now.
im actually sitting at work now slacking off. cause thats what hispanics do, right? we slack off till tomorrow, though tomorrow never comes.
i did do some real work before, but right now, ive just sort of lost that initial motivation to really do anything, feeling sort of adrift.

i miss having free time to do other things. i still have time. but since it now gets eaten up by the following: family (they are always there for you, but also in need of maintenance and time), work (8-5 is a good chunk of the day), girlfriend (dont mind this one), other friends (less now, since i lost so many); see whats missing from the list?
writing is out, reading is scarce, photography exists as something i remember doing in the back of my head, bar idea is slowly fading to obscurity, and my tv pop culture knowledge is dwindling.

sigh.
i want to work in advertising.
i want to create little advertising ideas i have running for cover in my head.

i want to have fun at work damnit!
its not so completely insane to expect that is it?
maybe it is, after all thats why its work isnt it?
i want to run a bar, and do some creative advertising work. why cant i make that happen though?

dreams...

heres one for all the dream interpreters...
-
i had a dream that, from what i can remember, involves me washing rice in a large see through tube by using a wooden spoon and plenty of water. members of my family are watching, but the only face that isnt blurry or unremembered is the one of me grandmother saying "thats too much rice."
-
so what does this mean?
-
you were wrong grandmother. that was just enough rice.
-
i dont do it nearly enough, but washing rice with your hands is an interesting feeling if youve never done it before.
-
never take lovers nor friends for granted, for one day, you may lose them and have to settle for less.

lo que nunca sabras.

"te has de ver linda en la ducha."
"como asi?"
"es que te has de ver tan dulce parada ahi sin saber lo que sucede alrededor tuyo. Porque creo que nunca te has fijado en las gotas cuando salen y entran en contacto contigo. Como esas gotas juegan a acariciar tu cara y se divierten rodando por tu cuello. Que nunca las has visto al momento que en tu seno se unen las gotas para hacerse una sola que se cae rapidamente por tu pecho y se aferran en tu ombligo para resistir tan solo un poco mas antes de tambalearse y caer por el precipisio que son tus piernas. Nunca te fijas que el agua se detiene en tu ducha, y da rodeos por resistir la fuerza de la gravedad que se las lleva lejos de ti... es el agua que contiene los recuerdos de todas las gotas que te cariciaron y quieren verte y recordar lo que era ser esa gota que por primera vez cae. Y tu, linda igual que siempre en tu inocencia e ignorancia del efecto que tienes sobre todo lo que te rodea, lo has de considerar solo otra ducha en la manana y nunca sabras lo que las gotas saben de ti."
-
-
im being less cynical/sarcastical as of late. more of this pops into my head now. i can still hold my own when it comes to being witty, but i think im moving on now...
thoughts? opinions? keep this or go back to the way i was before?

exchange.

so...
i figured i had to exchange one friendship. i had to give it up in order to get what i wanted. and you know, now that ive done that, i dont regret it...

frankly, i dont think ive ever been in a better place than where i am now.

makes me realize that i had to go through everything to become who i am now, and so did they, and if we think of it that way, we are in debt to everyone who ever touched us in any way, who ever caused a slight ripple in our life, because if not for them we would not be ourselves... and right now, it is my experiences with all those people that make me the person i am now... which made me perfect for that other person... so gracci.

we are more than the sum of our parts.

"alguna vez habran visto algo tan singular? un pato que canta bosanova!"

keepup.

this last week...
semana santa.
spent some nice time on a beach.
walked on a pier at least twice.
drank vodka out of a coconut.
had plenty of beer and rum.
got a tan.
got in a pool.
cheap hotel night.
crashed a car.
got new car.
lost license.
got stuck in city with no license.
saw v for vendetta.
got license.
came home.
drove about 500miles.
watched 0 hours of tv.

got a girl.

bleedingheart.

flirtation knicks,
a kiss is a slap,
sex is a wound,
but betrayal bleeds you out from the inside.

first love then hate.

an idea for a conversation.
fiction.

"i love you."
"..."
"dont you love me?"
"sometimes."
"sometimes?"
said quietly into the ear, voice barely a whisper, holding her close...
"i dont love you. not all the time. but there are moments when i can do nothing but be in love with you... they are quiet moments because they have to be, an errant word, carelessly thrown out, causes it to vanish... and the same word could cause me to shatter. those quiet moments, where we say nothing, in quiet unintelligble whispers i make myself vulnerable. in those moments i belong to you absolutely. you ask if i love you? only in those moments. the others are spent trying to recapture those singular moments, moments which belong only to you..."

potato.

you think that at first mr potato head was exactly that...
a bag of things, and you where expected to buy your own potato?
or was there like a premium potato head, one that included the potato...
and when did it change from an actual potato to a plastic one.
and why did you have to keep putting things into its butt? why couldnt it be the back of his head, or his back.. why was it his butt?

how many millions of coiled up slinkys are there just filling trash dumps?
seems everyone could get a slinky, but they never worked just right and eventually they got tangled and goodbye slinky.
did anyone ever have the right sized stairs for this thing?
best i ever got was 5 steps and thats cause i had to almost launch the thing.

"as i get older the filter between my conscious and subconscious seems to be getting less and less selective."

dead horse.

im going to beat a dead horse on this one.
or maybe just poke it a bit with a stick.
either way, this is something people have already discussed, everyone knows and im just being redundant and adding a breath to the sea of conversation already had on this...

talking to women is a bitch.
i can spin as much bs as necessary, on anything for an extended period of time without really thinking; pearls of idiocy tumble from my mouth like rabbits on viagra hump.
but put me in front of an unknown attractive girl and suddenly my brain is stuck in a loop. going in circles trying to find something to say that could possibly convey to this girl that i am worth talking to for the rest of the night and maybe even charming/interesting/odd enough to dry hump for a little while, or maybe have some uncomfortable fumblings about in the back seat of a car as we try and know our bodies a little better... wishful thinking that last bit. but really, in the back seat of cars i become like a 16 year old; clumsy and bumbling idiot.
so i dont really talk to women that much unless they are a friend with someone i know. otherwise im really quite insular. "lo que seria de mi vida" es una frase que me cruza mucho por la mente en las noches despues de perder oportunidades para hablar. lo que sea.
but really, what am i supposed to say? if im at a disco all i can offer is "dance?" (imagine a manatee dancing, thats more or less what im able to do... actually im more like those toys with the sand on the bottom that never fall over, just kind of sway this way and that...) or "drink?" (code for, i want to get you full of alcohol so your inhibitions take a vacation and we can make some bad decisions later in the back seat of the car like i mentioned earlier.) talking is out cause the music is loud enough for the deaf.
but when i can talk, i find nothing to say. nothing. i dont want to be cliche, i dont want to use pick up lines, and i cant really think of any one or two line thing that equals instant funny to a stranger... and im not going to start ranting like this to someone i just met. they may take me for a loon. but so long as they take me...

ahem.
so i put the question out there.
how in the hell do i approach women (carefully and with confidence)?
what the hell should i say to girls (hi is a good start)?

dead horse is sufficiently beaten now.

"an army of trained rabid squirrels!"
"make them fluffy. people wont be expecting an army of trained fluffy rabid squirrels. death by cuteness"

alone.

today i fully realized what my life would be like if i lived alone here...

glorious.

"the best thing to ever happen to milk? strawberrys."
"you think it came about cause a cow wandered into a strawberry field?"

my play.

ive finally after being lethargic about it written a beginning...
as said by the narrator as the lights slowly, very slowly come up and the curtain rises.

"the following occurs in a city cafe, it doesnt matter which city, you can pretend its paris, new york, san fran, buenos aires, berlin, london, tokyo it doesnt matter, we'll never see the city, the only thing we need to know is that the city is of a large enough size to have a cafe. the cafe is nothing remarkable, even the coffee is standard fare, and it looks like most cafes look since starbucks came about, modern but with a hint of the retro flare, and no connection to the cities culture. some people might wonder, even if it is unimportant, about the time, its 3 in the afternoon. but that isnt important. its july. tuesday. fair weather. all not important. the only important thing is that two people are going to have coffee today."

now all i need to do is write the damn thing that comes in the middle and eventually figure out where i want it to end, which is really at the beginning. so it should go beginning-middle-end-beginning-middle-end-beginning ad nauseum.

"i know two things... im not god."

hang out?

yes. were friends. we just cant hang out in public.
its nothing personal. its just my other friends dont like me hanging out with you.
and so i did some soul searching, and again this is nothing personal, and talked with my friends and i basically decided that while i like hanging out with you ok, we just cant be seen in public. incidently, youll only be able to see me when i deem it convenient, this is because i like my friends more than i like you. so ill let you see me twice a week and maybe take me somewhere one night, just not on a weekend cause thats when me and my friends go out to the disco to get drunk and flirt with random people.
no. no your not invited to get your freak on at the club with me and my friends. you just go do something else all weekend and dont bother me until monday. sunday? ill have a hangover on sunday from the weekend drinking, thats why you cant see me on a sunday.
but, just because we wont talk so much anymore, and only see each other for 5 hours a week, we are still friends.
got it?
ok, my friends are here and we are going to go have fun without you now, bye.

dont call me, ill call you.

friends?
were the kind of friends that dont hang out.

not outgoing enough.

im not.
but heres an idea.

i know we have hi5.facebook.myspace.xanga. but...
would it be more interesting if instad of everyone sumitting the same things...
the age.sex.location.favorite movie.music.book...
there was one with a picture and a brief description. but not written by them.
more like. spend a day with someone. write a little profile/story about them.

so in the end.
youd have pages that would be different and reflect the person a little more.
some would contain just a picture or three. another perhaps song lyrics. another a story of something. others a combination of things...
but the person doesnt write it. the other person does.

just think it would be interesting. less of a, this is who i think i am (or who i want you to think i am) and more of a, this is who you are.

"its a matter of principle, so it doesnt apply to you."

the western union stop.

Stop.

the telegraph is officially dead.
not sure who still used it, but its official now.
the last one went out on friday.
farewell telegraph.
the only thing im going to miss with the passing of the telegraph are the old time stock tickers.
encased in glass bowl things with the little paper that would roll out. pretty nifty.
wish i had one to place on a mantel.
wish i had mantel.

"oh godamnit, oh god goddamit. i think i love you."

bbc1 bbc2 bbc3!

mel.

el bigote se fue internacional. short little thing about mel on the bbc.

he talks ugly.
he sounds vulgar.
he seems pedestrian.
es el pueblo.

but even evo seems like a dignified educated rhodes scholar next to our cowboy.

"security? quick as bunnies."

james frey.

a million little pieces.

describes his book and reputation now, albeit he is now more widely known than better writers. fame is a fickle thing.

the thing about lying is actually two things...
you have to commit to the lie and to succesfully lie you have to believe the lie you tell.

penguins.

your not plushy.
penguins are plushy, they look plushy in the movie.
except when they where frozen.

penguin popsicle.
one penguin.
ice.
chill to -120.
serve.

march.

on prancer, on blitzen, on deity!

pero como puedes TU ser dios?
facilmente, simplemente lo soy.
Pero, che, si ni Argentino eres!


this is why im doing phrases now... i cant work that into a post about cows, and dogs or anything really, aside from a side rant about cultural differences and something something, too much work for such a small thing.

phrases.

ive decided to change what this thing is... i mean, what it was, before i ignored it and let the cobwebs come dwell here with the spiders and the little flies screaming "help me!"... which is to say, less paragraphs and monologues and grandiose statements to the wonders of frivolity and rather pointless arguments to more of a phrase a day sort of thing...
cause it requires less work... less continuity and much less in the way of grammer and coherence and having a final point to get to at the end of a rather long and drawn out speech.
so yeah.

shorter posts.

perhaps more frequently.
im not even promising phrase a day... more like phrase a week maybe... if i get to it... and remember... dont hold your breath on this one...